News

Hello all,

Tim has asked me to annouce his ambitions to run for Prime Minister.  Although he does not have any party members other than himself, he feels that he can run and win with your support.  Right now he would like you to vote in his poll to see whether or not Tim should run for Prime Minister.

Register on Tim’s site and you will automatically be a member of his party.  I don’t think he has a name for the party yet, so perhaps everyone could leave comments and write articles on what would be the appropriate name for a political party that is run by a purple alien who lives in his parent’s basement.

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Greetings All,

So, Tim headed back to the fire station yesterday, in order to confront the fire department’s mascot, Smoggy the Bear, but the fiendish bear was nowhere to be found. Tim looked all over until Tim found it - Smoggy’s office. Tim knocked on the door several times, but there was no answer. The last time Tim knocked, however, the door opened. Tim decided to enter. Once inside, Tim found Smoggy’s event calendar. It seemed that Smoggy was scheduled to appear at an elemenary school in the afternoon. Tim couldn’t just stand by idley while Smoggy poisoned the minds of children. So, Tim headed to the school.

Tim arrived at the school. Tim had difficulty finding Smoggy, at first. It seemed that Smoggy had a henchman guarding the halls for him. I call this henchman - the hall monitor. The hall monitor wanted to see some sort of “hall pass.” Tim tried to elude the hall monitor by turning on Tim’s invisibility cloak, but somehow the monitor could still see Tim. It was almost as if, Tim didn’t even have an invisibility cloak. Like Tim just attached an egg timer to his belt and claimed it made Tim invisible, even though it really didn’t. Anywho, Tim finally managed to outsmart the hall monitor. It seems that the hall monitor had outlawed running in the halls of the school. Tim ran away and because of his own rule, the hall monitor was not allowed to run after Tim.

Finally, Tim found Smoggy. Smoggy was in the gymnasium preaching to children about fire safety. Tim burst into the gym and screamed, “Don’t listen to him children, he’s a fraud!” Smoggy looked shocked to see Tim. The children cheered Tim on as Tim made Tim’s way to the stage. Once on the stage, Tim told the children that Smoggy had locked Tim in a closet yesterday and that the children should not trust him. Then, Smoggy lunged for Tim’s jugular. Tim jumped out of the way and then re-assured the children that everything was going to be fine, Tim the superhero had everything under control. The children seemed re-assured although, there was some nervous laughter. Smoggy then got back up and scoffed at Tim saying, “You’re no superhero. You don’t have any super powers!” Tim laughed and then picked up a fire hydrant on the stage, with one hand, to show Tim’s super strength. The children were amazed and Smoggy tried to make excuses, saying that it was only a cardboard cut-out of a fire hydrant. Tim then pronounced, “you’re reign of terror is over Smoggy, Tim’s taking you in.” Tim then went into Tim’s super karate pose and prepared to unleash all of Tim’s super fury. Smoggy was a wily competitor though, he grabbed a fire extinguisher and released it all over Tim and escaped.

Tim wandered the streets looking for Smoggy for the rest of the night, but to no avail. Smoggy is still out there. So, if any of you come across a bear that’’s about 6′1 with a T-shirt that reads, “Kiss Me, I’m Smoggy” and an incredibly foul mouth, do not approach him. Flash the Tim signal in the sky and Tim will be there shortly. In the meantime, Tim is going to take the fire fighter test today and Tim will tell you all how that goes tomorrow.

Heroically,

Tim

Greetings All,

So yesterday afternoon, Tim was expecting to take the fire fighter’s test. Tim arrived at the training center. As soon as Tim entered the building, Tim saw a poster, which read “Please Help Smoggy the Bear Prevent Fires.” At first, Tim was pleased to see that Tim had an ally, who understood the importance of fire safety. Then, it happened…. Tim met Smoggy.

Tim was heading for the testing area, when Smoggy appeared out of nowhere. At first, Tim was startled. Before Tim could introduce Timself to Smoggy and tell him that Tim was pleased with the job he was doing, Smoggy snapped at Tim. Here is a sample of the conversation

SMOGGY: Who are you?
TIM: Tim and I’m…
SMOGGY: Do you think you can replace me?
TIM: Tim does not know what you’re…
SMOGGY: Don’t play dumb with me Tim. I knew this day would come. They’re trying to replace Smoggy.
TIM: Really, I don’t think…
SMOGGY: Smoggy the Bear is an institution. I can’t just be replaced by some weird looking alien, in a cheap costume.
TIM: Now, wait just a minute…
SMOGGY: No, you wait. I’ve been teaching children about fire safety for over fifty years. I have been a dedicated and loyal employee. Is this because I sprayed that kid with the hose last month? ‘Cause that kid was asking for it. Ask anyone who was there!

Finally, Tim was able to speak,

TIM: Tim is not here to replace you. Tim is here to become a fire fighter.
SMOGGY: You are going to be a fire fighter? Yeah right.
TIM: It’s true. Tim is here to take the fire fighter’s test. If you would just lead Tim to the testing grounds, Tim will show you.

Smoggy reluctantly agreed to take Tim to the testing grounds. Smoggy showed Tim the door that led to them. Tim went through the door, when suddenly Tim felt a push and the door close behind Tim. Tim was tricked. Tim spent most of the day in the broom closet, until one of the fire chiefs finally let Tim out. Tim couldn’t find Smoggy, but Tim is heading back today to have it out with that wretched bear. The fire fighter test will just have to wait. As a super hero, Tim has to make time to conquer super villains and Tim considers Smoggy to be at the top of that list. Tim will tell you of this afternoon’s victory tomorrow.

Heroically,

Tim

Greetings All,

So, Tim arrived at the fire station yesterday and was ready to become a fire fighter. Tim thought he knew everything there was to know about fire fighting, but apparently there’s more to it than fighting the occasional fire and posing for calendars. When Tim arrived at the station, the alarm sounded. Tim had seen this happen on TV, so Tim knew to jump onto the back of the fire truck. Just after Tim hopped on, however, a fire fighter told Tim to get off. And so, the fire fighters took off and Tim was left in the dust…

Tim decided to look around the fire station, until the other fire fighter returned. Tim learned a great deal about fire fighters. For example, it seems that these people live, where they work. Tim saw beds and a TV and even a kitchen. Tim thinks this may pose a problem. Tim has no desire to move out of Tim’s fortress of solitude. Perhaps, Tim could be exempt from this rule and they could just flash a “fire signal” in the sky, so Tim can meet the other fire fighters at the fire. Also, it seems that fire fighters do a lot of exercise. Tim noticed a lot of fitness equipment. It’s not that Tim dis-likes that sort of thing, it’s just that as a superhero, Tim gets plenty of exercise already. Perhaps, Tim could get an exemption here, as well.

Finally, the fire fighters returned. Tim introduced Timself to all of them. Tim told them that Tim was ready to become a fire fighter. Tim told them about the exemptions Tim would need, if they wanted Tim’s services. At first, it seemed that the fire fighters were hysterical (possibly from smoke inhalation) but after they stopped laughing, they proceeded to tell Tim about the training involved in becoming a fire fighter. Although there was much talk of schooling, mostly the fire fighters talked about a “grueling” physical test. They didn’t seem to think Tim could handle the test. So, Tim agreed to take the test this afternoon. Don’t worry, Tim will take it easy on the test, so no one suspects the super powers that Tim has. Tim will tell you all about it tomorrow,

Heroically,

Tim

Greetings All,

Well you won’t believe this, but it seems that being a fire fighter requires a lot of hard work and training. Unfortunately, Tim learned this the hard way. Earlier this afternoon, Tim decided that Tim would go down to the fire station and start working. Tim had often heard people call fire fighters heroes and since Tim spends most of Tim’s time as a Super hero, Tim figured it would be easy.

Fire fighting is no easy task. Before Tim even arrived at the station, Tim was called into action. Tim was riding Tim’s scooter down the street when Tim saw smoke coming from a house. Tim sprung into action and grabbed the nearest garden hose. Tim put out the fire and everyone cheered…. well, almost everyone. The man, who was closest to the fire didn’t look particularly happy. Perhaps Tim was too hard on him. You see, Tim scolded this man for playing with fire. In fact, the man was flipping burgers in it. He said something about there not being a fire and asked if Tim had ever heard of a barbecue. Tim quickly fired a question right back at this man: “Have you ever heard of fire safety?” Perhaps, Tim was too hard on him. Sometimes, this “super” wit is too much for mere mortals.

Anywho, Tim finally arrived at the fire station, where Tim learned what it takes to be a fire fighter. Tim will tell you all about it tomorrow.

Heroically,

Tim

Greetings All,

Well, Tim spent the weekend monitoring Crazy Al’s warehouse and Tim did not witness any criminal activity. In fact, the only thing that was going on was the sale of goods between Crazy Al and his customers. So, was Tim mistaken? Of course not. Obviously, Crazy Al’s warehouse was a den of crime, but Crazy Al and his cohorts were scared straight by Tim. Tim will occassionally check on the warehouse to make sure that this does not change. Moving on…

Overall, Tim enjoyed Tim’s experience working with the police. Tim is glad to know that the police always have Tim’s back. Tim is starting to think, however, that police officer will not be a fitting “secret identity” for Tim. Police officers work a lot of hours and have to do a lot of paperwork. Tim needs to make sure that Tim always has lots of time for his superhero work and Tim feels that being a police officer would make this very difficult.

So, the search for Tim’s secret identity continues. Tim needs a job that will not take up a lot of time and be relatively easy, so that all of Tim’s energy is reserved for fighting crime. Tim believes Tim has found such a job - fire fighter. Tim is going to the fire station now, Tim will tell you all about it tomorrow.

Heroically,

Tim

Greetings All,

So, as Tim told you last time, Tim awoke in Crazy Al’s office. Crazy Al said that Tim had taken a nasty fall into a washer, but Tim wasn’t buying it. Tim told Crazy Al that Tim was going to take him down, but Crazy Al laughed an evil laugh (well, maybe not evil, but it was loud.) Crazy Al explained that Tim had it all wrong. He explained that he was running a legitimate business. Tim laughed… No, Tim guffawed. Tim told Crazy Al that there was clearly something corrupt going on. The two police officers attempted to corroborate this story, but Tim still wasn’t biting.

Tim demanded to see Crazy Al’s buisness license. After waiting a few minutes, Crazy Al produced the document. Tim examined the document and it appeared to be legitimate. Could it be that Tim was wrong? Could it be that Tim had overreacted? Could it be that this warehouse was just a store and that the two police officers were simply shopping? Tim doubts it, but Tim did pretend to accept this version of the story, while Tim continues Tim’s investigation.

Crazy Al and the police officers seemed convinced that Tim believed them, so the officers dropped Tim off at home. Little did they know, however, that Tim will be doing surveillance on the warehouse all weekend long. This weekend, Tim will get to the bottom of this mystery. Either Tim will discover that this warehouse is a hot-bed of criminal activity, or Tim will discover that it is indeed just a store and Tim will buy Timself a new de-humidifier. Either way, Tim will be happy.

Heroically,

Tim

Greetings All,

So, as Tim previously told you, Tim tagged along with the police and Tim burst into a giant warehouse. Since then you’ve probably been torturing yourselves, wondering what Tim saw and whether or not Tim survived (some of the sharper minds out there, probably inferred that Tim survived since Tim managed to write this blog, but Tim digresses.) Tim was very cautious when entering the warehouse. Tim had heard the officers talking about this place and the madness within it. And as soon as Tim got inside, Tim saw a sign that there was indeed madness afoot. What was the sign you ask… It was a sign. The sign read “Moonlight Madness.”

Tim saw several transactions taking place. People handed over their money to a group of evil henchmen in red pinnies. And Tim found another sign that read “Crazy Al’s Furniture Store.” Tim now knew the name of the evil mastermind behind all of this - Crazy Al. Tim hid behind some dryers and waited for the two police officers to arrive and help Tim, but what Tim saw next shocked him… Tim saw the two police officers enter the building. The officers didn’t do anything to stop Crazy Al and his henchmen though. In fact, the officers completed a transaction with one of the henchmen.

Tim could not stand by idly. Tim jumped up on one of the dryers and screamed, “Villainous Traitors!” The next thing Tim knew, Tim awoke in Crazy Al’s office. The officers and Crazy Al told Tim that after screaming at the officers, Tim tripped and fell into a washer, but Tim suspects that Tim was knocked unconscious or drugged. However Tim got into this office, Tim only had one thing on Tim’s mind… finding a way to get out.

To Be Continued….

Greetings All,
Tim hopes that everyone had a Tim-tastic weekend. Tim’s weekend was most interesting. On Friday, Tim headed down to the police station, in order to help out Tim’s good friends - the police. As soon as Tim walked into the police station, Tim got right down to work. Tim pulled out Tim’s baby powder and brush and began to dust for fingerprints. Before Tim could come to any conclusions, however, Tim was interrupted. It seems a “rookie” didn’t know Tim and didn’t understand Tim was doing. Before this “rookie” could have Tim forcibly removed, however, one of the other police officers said, “It’s all right, that’s just Tim.”
The officer then explained that Tim helps out the police by doing tasks for them. The officer then told Tim he had such a task for Tim.
While Tim was cleaning out the staff washrooms, Tim heard two police officers talking. They were talking about a big case that they were working on. They talked about how hard the case was and that they were going to investigate it further that night. Tim knew, that even if only subconsciously, these two officers were asking for Tim’s help. So, Tim followed them out to their squad car and ducked down in the back seat. Before Tim knew it, Tim was outside of a warehouse with the police officers. Surprisingly, when Tim revealed himself to the officers, neither of them looked very please. Tim suspects this had to do with on-the-job stress. They told Tim to stay out of it, but Tim couldn’t. Tim burst into the warehouse and that’s when Tim saw it….

To Be Continued…

Greetings All,

Now that Tim’s musical career is over, Tim has a lot of catching up to do. You see, while Tim was away, working on Tim’s secret identity, Tim was afraid that evil went completely unchecked. Today, however,Tim has been combing through newspapers to see what Tim has missed and although Tim has read many troubling stories about evil-doers, Tim was relieved to learn that Tim’s allies, the Police, have done a great job thwarting evil.

Tim learned about the police when Tim first came to your planet. They have always been very helpful to Tim. In case you don’t know anything about the police, they are a group of men and women, who put their lives on the line everyday to fight evil. They also have released several musical numbers, including “Every Breath You Take.” Today, Tim has decided that Tim will go down to the police station and get Tim’s secret identity. Yes, that’s right, today Tim is going to become a police officer. Tim will tell you how it goes on Monday.

Heroically,

Tim